And If I Should Die
by Ayu Ohseki
Summary: The night after Albedo revealed to his fellow Variants that he could regenerate was a difficult one for the URTV to bear. But it was an important night for him, wherein he came to some important conclusions...though not necessarily good ones.


I got the idea for this SS from a BGM by Kajiura Yuki from the second _MADLAX_ OST, _if I die_. More specifically, I got the idea from the title, and everything followed from there. Originally, it was just going to be from when Albedo entered the forest on, but then when I started writing it out on paper, I began with some build-up... It ended up longer than I'd expected, but I'm fairly pleased with the result. Also, I use the Japanese version of certain events due to personal preference, and 22°C is roughly 71°F.

* * *

**And If I Should Die  
**

The climate-controlled interior of the Yuriev Institute was a comfortably cool 22°C. On either side of him, his older and younger brother slept with their back to him. Despite how close they were, Albedo couldn't help but feel terribly lonely. He stared longingly to his right, where Rubedo's back rose and fell in shallow, widely interspersed intervals. The white URTV hadn't dared to look his way until he was sure he was asleep.

Memories of the events of that day returned to Unit 667, and he clutched at his chest as it tightened uncomfortably. In his sleep, Rubedo murmured something and turned, sprawling out on his back. Albedo smiled, but it was tremulous and brief. Did his other half feel this pain as he did, even as he slept? Maybe—his expression as he slept looked vaguely troubled; maybe not—he'd managed to fall asleep at all.

Tentatively, the white-haired boy reached forth with his mind to try and touch Rubedo's. It was an uncertain world of grays—somewhere between wakefulness and dreams. The younger URTV briefly considered staying there to watch his brother sleep, to wait for him to dream...but he wasn't sure he wanted to see that. He withdrew his threads of thought and returned to the unhappy refuge of his own consciousness.

The voices, thoughts, memories and emotions of his kin were silent, relatively so. Albedo wondered if he was the only one on the link awake right now. He didn't care about the standards—all the better not to sense _them_!—but not being able to sense Rubedo or Nigredo... He sat up, drawing his knees up to his chest. It was both lonesome and frightening. Once upon a time, it was only disconcerting; after all, they'd wake up in the morning and all be able to laugh and play together, and this, too, would pass. But now, who knew how many tomorrows his brothers possessed? Eventually, the sand in their hourglasses would run out—or maybe they'd be smashed and throws to the winds during the fight against U-DO. And his life would go on, eternally, with unbreakable glass and infinite sand...

Albedo tried to suppress a sob, failed. He had wondered briefly might have happened if he had chosen to make an example not of himself, but Nigredo or, much worse yet, Rubedo. It had been too horrible to think about, and so naturally, it had taken possession of his mind ever since. The images were vivid in his mind: his brothers, no longer red and black, just red—red everywhere—and it just _stayed_ there, heads gone, staining cement and grass and nothing regenerated, neither came back to life, it was just...was just...

_"Rubedo?"_ he could hear himself whispering as he lowered the pistol. _"Nigredo? Hey...hey, regenerate already, okay? This isn't funny... Rubedo? Rubedo...?"_ Albedo would inch forward, sensing something was wrong but not yet understanding what, and drop the gun. His brothers would be sprawled out in front of him, still and silent and staring into nothing. He'd kneel down next to his other half and shake him. _"Rubedo, come on! Rubedo! Rubedo!"_

A lump of steel would form in his throat, which he could feel even now, and he'd look desperately back and forth between the two boys. If it were him, he would have regenerated a long time ago, so why—? _"Nigredo!"_ he'd yell, grabbing at his other brother's hand, becoming more and more frantic. _"Nigredo! Wake up! This should be nothing, right? You can come back easily from this, right? _I_ can do it! I've done it! There's no way I can do something that you can't do! Watch, okay! Both of you, just watch!"_

And he'd let his purple eyes, which filled with tears both in reality and in his imagination, fall on the gun—he'd grab it, cock it to his head, _fire_—he'd lose perception of reality for a few seconds, and then everything would come back into focus again—and the first thing he'd see... The first thing he'd see...

A choking sob of a scream escaped Albedo's throat as he dug his nails into his hair. The first thing he'd see would be Rubedo and Nigredo as the way they were after he'd shot them. And they'd be like that forever, because they were dead. Because he'd killed them.

Tried as he might, he couldn't keep himself from breaking down crying. He buried his face in his pillow to muffle it; if either of his brothers woke up because of it... Then he wouldn't be alone anymore, would he? At least not for right now. Reconsidering, he glanced up towards his other half, who'd shifted in his sleep again. Now Rubedo faced him, one hand outstretched slightly. Trying to keep his gasps to a minimum, Albedo scooted over and reached over, hand trembling slightly...

Another soft whimpering managed to enter his notice. Startled and wondering if it was himself, he jerked his hand back and covered his mouth, but the sound continued. A pause to listen, and then Albedo glanced at its source, the brother to his left.

Nigredo was of course also asleep, but it looked like he was already dreaming. A bad dream, from the looks of it. Even in the dark of their room, his face looked a little wet, and he looked awfully distressed... Wiping his face on his sleeve, Albedo sat up and glared at the black-haired boy. For a moment, he let bitterness rule his thoughts. _What's Nigredo got to give him nightmares? It's not like _he's_ ever upset by anything! He's such a coward. He's only like that 'cause he hasn't got the guts to watch his brother shoot himself!_

As soon as he completed that rant, he felt ashamed. Hadn't he just been crying over the thought of unintentionally killing him and Rubedo? But feeling angry was better than feeling frightened and lonely and guilty—it meant he didn't have to focus on himself anymore—so Albedo clenched his fists and glared with all his might, recalling all the things about Nigredo that annoyed him. His calm attitude, his adult mannerisms, the way Father showed him just a little more affection than he did anyone else, the way even the Standards didn't torment him like they did the older Variants—everyone loved him! Everyone paid attention to him! Albedo was _sure_ Nigredo thought himself better than everyone else. He certainly didn't act like everyone else! How dare he!

Violet eyes glared at the dark URTV, who tossed towards Albedo, his blanket tangling between his legs. Despite his slumber, Nigredo looked like he was about to cry, and his lips twitched once in a while.

A streak of guilt cut through his biting thoughts, and Albedo folded his arms and stubbornly stared at the foot of his bed, trying to stay angry. But it was a futile effort as he recalled the things he liked about Nigredo, how much fun he'd had with his younger brother in the past, and how Nigredo even held Rubedo back earlier that very day... He wasn't being fair to him, and in the end, the middle brother had to admit he was being childish. A child, even a genmod designer child with fantastic psychic powers, couldn't help but be childish, though, and the resentment that had been boiling in his heart simply toned down to simmering. It was just frocked with guilt and melancholy now.

But Albedo didn't hate himself any more than he hated the other half of his heart, and he cast his twilight-colored eyes on his redheaded twin. This—it wasn't fair, any of it, and his heart rebelled against accepting all of the blame for this. _Why does everything have to be my fault? Okay, I hurt #623, fine, but he had it coming! He put Rubedo in danger! Why does he have to mad at me for that? I did it all for him! And Nigredo doesn't say anything, he never says anything, he just quietly picks on me like everyone else! Why can't they stand up for _me_ once in a while? Rubedo and Nigredo, they always gang up on me! They—they—_

Albedo shoved aside his sheets and blankets, jumped off his bed, and stalked a line that he paced across the room. Blinking away tears just made them spill over, so the U-retrovirus scrubbed his eyes with his sleeve, maintaining his manic pace. It was only by doing that, keeping his emotional high too chaotic and negative to focus, that he could keep himself from remembering The Truth, which he knew would send him racking with sobs again. It wasn't something he consciously did, at least not fully. But sometimes, denial was the only way to protect oneself. And so he paced back and forth, back and forth, like the tides of a stormy ocean. But measure-by-measure, the storm cleared, and raps turned to steps turned to trudges, until the weight of Albedo's heartrending love for his brothers made him collapse on the floor.

He turned his eyes towards the other variants, though his sight was too blurred to make them out clearly. Even so, he could tell they were both still asleep. Albedo realized he was disappointed, and felt like with every tear he shed, he became that much emptier.

_If I went away,_ he wondered, _would they miss me? Would they care? Would they even notice?_

Violently, the violet-eyed boy shook his head as if to clear those thoughts away like cobwebs out of an attic. He tried to stand, squeezing his head between his hands, but he tripped and stumbled back. His back hit the door out with an echoing thud, and slowly, trembling, the URTV hugged his arms to his chest. He could feel his heartbeat, and knew that, on the other side of the room, Rubedo's matched it. Again, longing welled up inside of him. However, he didn't pick himself up and crawl into his brother's bed, like he usually did when he felt distressed. He wanted to! God knew he wanted to, but... It was like there was an invisible wall separating the two of them now, and he didn't know if he had the courage to push through. From clinging to him earlier that day to keeping his distance at all cost...

And for the exact same reason: the white URTV didn't want to lose his precious brother. No matter what the cost, he didn't want to lose him. Not to Sakura, not to Nigredo, not to Father, not to U-DO. Not to anything or anyone. But he couldn't tell what was right or wrong anymore, couldn't tell if his brother felt the same way or was getting tired of him, of the mistake that was never supposed to come into being. Albedo often felt like if he let Rubedo out of his sight, one day he'd disappear without a trace, but these days it felt more and more like Rubedo was getting tired of him—that if he clung too hard, one day the redhead would shove him off and tell _him_ to disappear.

If that happened, he...Albedo wouldn't be able to live anymore.

Except he couldn't die...

"No," he moaned aloud. "No, no, no...! Rubedo, don't abandon me... I swear I'll be good, I swear I'll do whatever you want, just...just don't leave me all alone..."

There wasn't any reply beyond a soft snore, the sound of which mingled with Albedo's own ragged breathing and sniffles. The premonition of a migraine pulsed through his brain, and the white one slumped against the door. He felt vaguely ill, and wondered if it was possible to cry oneself sick. If that happened, what would his brothers say? Not just Rubedo and Nigredo, but those creepy blond, blue-eyed, hive-minded bastards, too. Albedo wasn't sure if he could handle getting mocked by everyone. Sakura didn't count, though he bet Rubedo would tell her about it. No, she wouldn't mock him: she'd pity him; _sympathize_ with him. That was so much worse because she was _stealing away his heart_ and she didn't even have the decency to be a bad person so he could just hate her without feeling guilty because he also liked her.

Trying to get his breathing under control, he jiggled the door handle, and quietly excused himself. He needed to get some air, a drink of water, and quietly so he didn't get caught. Getting caught in this state would be just as bad as breaking down entirely.

The Institute was a little frightening at night—all silent and sterile and shadowy. Albedo glanced about nervously, using his limited telepathy to check if there was anybody about before he advanced. It looked like everyone really was asleep except him, though, and though it made him feel terrible, at least his path was unobstructed.

He wasn't sure where the kitchen was relative to his room, but he knew there was a bathroom with a sink nearby. That was his destination. It, too, was sterile and uninviting, but he could lock the door behind him and just stay there for a while to calm down.

There was a stool next to the toilet, and he pulled it in place so that he could stand up in front of the sink and get a good look at his reflection. As the boy had suspected, he looked awful. He looked...exactly how he felt, really: miserable. Sniffling, he turned on the cold water, then cupped his hands to let it pool in there. Then it was all over his face, fresh water mixing with salt and other things. He scrubbed his face for a few moments more, then dipped down and drank from the faucet. Although he didn't feel better in the end, the frigid water did take his mind off his problems enough to calm him down a little, and that was a start. He pushed the faucet back in place, then dried himself off and looked in the mirror again. Yes, he looked a little bit better.

Albedo lifted a hand to the mirror. His reflection copied him. He let his forehead rest against the cool, polished glass, and his other self did the same. Other self... Once again, as they always inevitably did, the boy's thoughts returned to his twin. This time, he tried to be reasonable—logic it out, as it was. Regeneration: Nigredo had said it was his special ability alone. But...it hadn't been something that he'd realized about himself intuitively, not like with the link or his telepathy and empathy.

The first time he'd noticed it, he remembered, he was playing with Rubedo and Nigredo some years back in the forest behind the Institute. They were having a contest seeing who could climb to this one tree fastest, and they were having a lot of fun until Albedo grabbed a branch that was too thin. It had snapped under his weight—there was a split-second of surprise and weightlessness—and suddenly he was tumbling, down and down, unable to grab another branch (though he hit a few on the way), until he was down, right down on the ground.

The landing had accompanied a temporarily blinding flash of pain. Although he'd been too surprised to scream as he fell, at that moment, Albedo started wailing. Rubedo had already been climbing down by then, and was shouting, "Hold on, Albedo, we're coming!" Nigredo was doing the same, and kythed, (whatever you do, don't move around.) And then they were there, right beside him, a moment later, all frightened concern.

"Albedo! Are you okay! Oh, god, look at your leg..." Rubedo'd whispered as he scooped the white one into his arms, pale-faced at the sight of his twin's bizarrely twisted appendage.

"Rubedo—Rubedo—" Albedo had sobbed as he clung to the redhead. The two of them held each other for comfort, hearts beating like hummingbirds as Nigredo knelt at his feet and tried very gently to inspect the damage. All three of them were terribly scared, even as older and younger tried to reassure their middle brother. However, despite how his hands were shaking, Nigredo managed to realize something very odd.

(hey,) he kythed, puzzled, as he stroked Albedo's shin. (um...) (does this hurt?)

Swallowing a sob, the younger URTV propped himself up with Rubedo's help, and realized, no, it didn't. He communicated as such with no small amount of surprise, and even tried wiggling his leg a little. All three of them felt nothing, and together, they stood up.

Albedo pressed a bit of weight on the offending leg, but nothing was wrong; it didn't even hurt anymore. He looked over at Rubedo blankly, who just shrugged helplessly. Then the white-haired boy rotated his shoulders, wondering why nothing else hurt either. His older brother patted him down gently, but as far as they could tell, it had just been a false alarm.

(i guess you didn't hit the ground that hard,) the green-eyed brother concluded with a slight frown, inspecting the fallen leaves that Albedo's back had flattened. (and we all panicked because it happened so suddenly.)

(i guess,) the whitening replied, still puzzled. Privately, he thought that he'd been _sure_ he felt his leg snap... He shivered slightly, then scrubbed his face on his sleeve and peered back up at the branches where they'd been climbing. "I don't really wanna try that again, though."

"Yeah," Rubedo was quick to concur. "C'mon, let's play something else."

"Yeah..." Albedo echoed, a smile beginning to curl onto his lips. "How about...TAG! You're it!"

The leader stumbled back as his other half shoved him playfully and ran off. "What! Hey! You little sneak, get back here!" he yelled, to which Albedo had turned and laughed from behind the cover of a maple. Rubedo tried lunging after Nigredo, but the black-haired boy had predicted that and quickly scrambled into the underbrush. "Ooohh... I'll get you guys!" But he'd been laughing as he said that, and as the three romped and tussled through the woods, the incident was forgotten—for the time being, at least.

"That's right," Albedo said aloud to himself, frowning at his reflection. "I didn't figure it out 'til after that." _Maybe they can regenerate too and they just don't know it yet,_ he mused as bubbles of hope inflated in his chest. i _I can't _really _be the only one with this power, right? Rubedo and Nigredo are just confused. That's got to be it!_

Clinging to that, because hope was such a wonderful thing to have, Albedo fixed the bathroom up the way it was and quietly left, pondering how to confirm this. A flash of his pistol fantasy from earlier, and he trembled. No—no, he'd just ask Father about it tomorrow morning. And if that didn't work out, then maybe—

A quiet _patpat_ sound from somewhere made the retrovirus freeze, his heart leaping into his throat. Careless, careless...! But then another pair of eyes, closer to the floor, shone in the darkness, and he exhaled a breath of relief.

"Pstpstpstpst—here, Gaignun," he lilted quietly, kneeling down and offering a tattooed hand to the black-and-white feline. The cat gave him a long poker-stare before he padded over and sniffed his hand.

Albedo smiled a little bit, and took that opportunity to pull Gaignun into his arms. He yowled in protest, but Albedo ignored it and stroked his head as he carried him back to bed. Perhaps he was feeling a bit better, but he was still very anxious, and having a big, soft, warm kitty to sleep with would be awfully nice.

Just thinking about it made the hours of sleepless fret seem to unfocus, and Albedo yawned, neglecting to shut the door behind him as he returned. Now that he had some chance that this wasn't just his power only, things didn't seem quite so bleak anymore. He even felt better about his own standing with Rubedo now, and without glancing at either of the other beds, he slipped between his twin's sheets.

"Rubedo..." he murmured, twisting himself between the sheets and curling up next to the redhead, trying to get comfortable while holding the cat and not waking up the older URTV.

But the feline's irritated growling was growing louder every time Albedo fumbled about one-handed, and his struggles for freedom grew more pronounced the more the URTV refused to release him. "Hey, cut it out, Gaignun!" he muttered, irritated. "_Ow!_"

Gaignun had bitten him, and in the split-second he'd loosened his grip, the black-and-white cat had sprung out, claws extended for traction. In his haste, he ended up scoring three angry lines down Albedo's hand, and another set on Rubedo's face.

That was more than enough to awaken the other URTV, who flailed, sputtering and groggily snapping, "Whubba—wha!"

The cat leapt out gracefully onto the other side of the bed, hopped down onto the floor, and quickly trotted towards the door. Hurt, Albedo pouted at the scratches on his hand, then glared at the cat.

(are you rejecting me too?)

He was rewarded with a cool stare, after which Gaignun licked his paw a little too quickly to be totally casual, and skulked out.

"Ugh... Albedo, what the heck were you doing?" Rubedo asked then, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

"Sorry," he replied bashfully, reaching up to touch his brother's cheek. "That dumb cat just—"

Then the young empath's breath caught in his throat. A drop of blood rolled onto, over his finger. He pulled his hand away, and the blood was still there.

Rubedo's wound was still there. But Albedo's had already disappeared in three thin, parallel trails of light.

Hope was such a wonderful thing to have...

"...Albedo?" the redhead repeated, growing worried at the stricken look on his twin's face. He remembered well how devastated he had been when he'd learned that he was the only effectively immortal URTV. Rubedo didn't understand what precisely what was going on right now, but the sting of the scratch across his cheek gave him a very ill idea of what it might be.

Tears slid down the white-haired boy's face, and he was shaking, eyes wide and lips trembling. Rubedo grabbed his shoulders and shook him a little, trying to snap him out of it. "Albedo, it's fine," he reassured/pleaded. "I'm not mad or anything. It's okay, see?" He smeared the blood into a fine cake with one hand. "This is nothing, so don't cry! Don't cry...okay? ...Albedo?"

But the other URTV was just shaking his head slowly. That look on his face was the same one as earlier that day, just before he'd leapt up and tackled his twin, sobbing that if Rubedo were to die, he wanted to die too... But this time, instead of clinging to him, he pushed him away.

"Albe—!" the redhead protested, reaching out for his twin but just missing as he slid off the bed. Albedo stared at him for a second more, then took a step back, turned, and ran out the door.

"Hey, wait!" Rubedo called, throwing aside his blankets and getting up. A movement to his left gave him pause, and he turned to see Nigredo staring at him. "You were awake?" he uttered, surprised. Then, slightly embarrassed, he explained, "...Albedo's upset again. Come on, let's go bring him back."

But the black-haired boy shook his head, averting his eyes. "You go alone," he replied quietly. "The only one Albedo wants is you."

Frustration bubbled in, and Rubedo protested, "What are you talking about? Come on!"

But Nigredo shook his head. "Go," he said softly but firmly. "He needs you. Go."

Rubedo hesitated, then nodded once. "...All right. If you're sure." And then he sped out of the room, calling out to Albedo over the link.

It was quiet soon. Nigredo watched the door lifelessly for a moment longer, then sprawled back on his bed. But he didn't shut his eyes. When he did, he saw his nightmare again: Albedo pulling a pistol and pointing it first at himself, and after he survived, at the two of them.

The middle brother knew nothing of any of this. He'd blocked himself off of the link, unable to think of anything but: _I regenerated and Rubedo didn't._ _I regenerated, and Rubedo didn't. I really am the only one._

His fantasy-killing replayed itself over and over in his mind, and he had to get away from it. He had to get away from everything, and so he ran as fast and far as he could. But he could only go so fast and only so far: the Yuriev Institute was large, but hardly large enough to allow him to escape from himself. Somewhere, Rubedo was searching for him; he could feel his presence vaguely over the link, like the breath of a ghost on his neck.

Albedo's heart ached, but he didn't respond. He'd thought, for a brief, glimmering moment, that maybe things would be all right... And then it went back to being just as bad as before. It was all too much. One day, everyone would die and he'd be alone forever—

Quickly, he grabbed the door handle to the outside and wrenched; nothing moved. Of course it was locked. Albedo was not deterred. There were windows nearby, and he could unlock those. He did so, and then there was the low scent of the night as he left it open to escape, far away—and then he stumbled and tripped, skidding half a foot. There he remained on the cement sidewalk for several minutes, until he picked himself up. It was nothing. He could probably be crushed to paste and come back from even that. A bullet to the brain didn't mean anything after all. But Rubedo, Rubedo...

Tilting his head back, he stepped, swaying from side to side, to he neither knew nor cared not where.

Rubedo was a few minutes behind him; his white twin refused to respond to his pleading hails over the link, and so it was more difficult than he expected to try and find him. But there was an open window where there should have been none, and he came to the natural conclusion... Worrying about everything, he slipped out of the Institute onto the grounds. Where would Albedo go at a time like this...?

Of course. They were two halves of one person. The leader shut his azure eyes and concentrated/relaxed, coaxing out the little bird called Intuition—

He opened his eyes and glanced toward the forest. There. All he had was a hunch, but his hunches were rarely wrong. Breaking into a jog, Rubedo set out to find his missing twin and bring him back.

Even shut off from the link, Albedo could sense in a way that his other half was searching for him. Under other circumstances, that would have made him tremendously happy, but at the moment, he didn't want his brother to see him like this. That was the only cognizant thought he could hold onto while crying and feeling like his heart would rupture.

_Don't cry._ Sometimes, Rubedo could say such horrible things to him. _Don't cry._ His world as he knew it was _shattered_, and Rubedo was telling him not to cry? If he were in his shoes, he'd be bawling his stupid eyes out! ...but Albedo never, ever wanted Rubedo to be like this. This hurt so very, very much, this emptiness, this solitude... Eternity beckoned him forward while Time would ravage everyone for whom he ever cared. He loved his brother(his heart(his self)) too much to ever want to wish it on him.

_But if Rubedo understood how it felt,_ a small voice inside him reasoned, _maybe he wouldn't take you for granted. He wouldn't ditch you for Sakura all the time, and he wouldn't stick up for those stupid freaks that dare accuse _us _of being monsters..._

Grabbing his chest with one hand, Albedo sniffed, eyebrows furrowed and trembling. "Rubedo," he choked out before sagging against the tree he'd been leaning his head and forearm on.

It hadn't been his intention to some specifically _here_. It just happened that way. But he knew without having to confirm it: this was the tree from which he'd fallen several years back. This was where he'd first drawn an inkling of his curse.

The white-haired boy leaned back and stared up at the canopy of leaves, which rustled gently in the breeze. "What do I do?" he whispered to no one. "What can I do...?"

No one answered him, though the wind and foliage shared a hushed conversation. Albedo shut his violet eyes, dug his nails into the bark, and simply...thought.

Rubedo and Nigredo would die someday. Maybe someday soon. U-DO frightened him, and he didn't know if he could really help beat it... What if he screwed up somehow and U-DO wiped them all out? _He_ might survive, but everyone else would die. And what was a mental link with only one URTV in it...?

He dug his nails deeper, clawing off some of the rough tree, his breath growing erratic. They'd all die and leave him alone. Rubedo and Nigredo and everyone, he'd be all alone and no one would care, no one would grieve for him, no one at—

His eyelashes flew open.

Grieve?

That was right... They URTVs were weapons, tools for battle. They weren't people; they were convenient items. Who would grieve their kind when they died? Who'd visit their grave? Who would give them a proper burial so they _could_ have a grave...?

His gaze dropped.

Rubedo, Nigredo, and he all climbed this three once, together. They ascended in joy, and descended in fear. Yes... Albedo scooted backwards, away from the roots. They had memories here, together. He reached out one small hand, scraped away a layer of dirt. And another, and another, and...

And then he realized what he was doing, and he hunched over, fresh tears flowing. He didn't want them to die, ever! Ever ever ever...

_But they're going to, whether I like it or not._ He had to support himself with both hands then while he tried to hold back his sobs, to cry as quietly as possible.

His pulse skipped a beat, and Albedo knew Rubedo was somewhere behind him, not too far away, watching him or about to. A sharp intake of breath, and he held it to listen. Wherever the left half of his chest was, he wasn't stepping forward. He was just standing there, somewhere, watching.

Albedo's intuition was right. Rubedo had spotted a patch of white among all the earthy browns and greens and started towards it—but then Albedo had started scraping at the ground, and now it looked like he was crying. He felt suddenly uneasy. Maybe he shouldn't have come out this far; despite how clingy he could be, Albedo could be awfully jealous of his privacy sometimes. For a moment, uncertainty ruled his thoughts, and Rubedo decided to stay where he was and watch, just in case.

But since the younger URTV was locking him out of the link, neither could know the other's thoughts. Despite they were originally one, despite that their hearts still beat as one, they still didn't understand each other...

_Don't cry._

Albedo wiped his sleeve across his face, hiccupping once. He knew Father had never meant for him to exist. He knew that there was no purpose for him in any real sense. It was something he'd learned some time ago but had never told his brothers. It would be too painful to tell them, and besides, at the time, he was happy simply to live for Rubedo's sake, forever by his side. That was all he needed. Now he didn't have even that left. Rubedo didn't need him as long as he had people like Sakura and Nigredo around, and one day he'd leave him...

But that didn't mean that Albedo would ever stop loving him. Ever. There wasn't anything in heaven or earth that could do that. No matter how much adoring his heart killed him inside. The only part of him that could be killed... Maybe, if he were nothing more than an empty killing machine, even an eternity without Rubedo wouldn't hurt?

_Don't cry._

He stared down at the dirt in front of him...and gave a quiet sob. It wouldn't be easy. But if it were for Rubedo, he'd give up everything—his life, his heart, his soul... Without his other half, he had nothing, _was_ nothing, anyway.

Rubedo chewed on his lower lip. His little brother had begun to dig again. He had the feeling Albedo was crying. Somehow, though, he couldn't walk up to him—couldn't ask him what the matter was. It felt...it felt like he should already know. And in a sense, he did. But he didn't understand what Albedo was doing.

He glanced briefly at the Yuriev Institute, then back at the right side of his chest. Another moment of indecision—and then, a reluctant step backwards. Maybe...maybe he should let Albedo have a little privacy for a while. Even though he was this close by, his twin was still blocking him. It was a sign, right? It must be. Thus, hesitating a moment more, Rubedo finally made his way back to where he should be, where Nigredo was probably still staring sleeplessly at the ceiling.

And the whitening continued to scrape away the earth, miserably moistening it as he felt his other half leave him behind. With every tear he shed, he grew a little emptier... And that wasn't okay. It wasn't okay at all. But what other choice did he have? At least this way, Albedo could drain out all his pathos, so that, for the time when he had to dig these graves for real, he wouldn't cry at all.

_I won't cry._

Just like Rubedo wanted.


End file.
